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Have you been thinking of ways to grow your confidence? Do you feel that fear has taken over a huge part of your life and is holding you back from living your true purpose? Do you want to shake all that fear and have unstoppable confidence that will leave people in awe of you? Well, this book is designed just for you!
Today, there are so many of us not living up to our full potential due to the fear of failure, or what others will think of us. In fact, that is one of the most common regrets most people have when they are near their deathbed. One thing that you have to understand is that fear will take away the sunshine in your life and leave you with so much darkness and sadness within.
The good news is that you can shake all that fear and self- judgment so that you take control of your life and live a purposeful and happy life. The one way to do this is to master the art of confidence. It is through authentic confidence that you lay a solid foundation for making better decisions, building long- lasting relationships, and positioning ourselves for success.
What Comes To Mind When You Think Of Confidence?
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
This is exactly what I think serves as a recipe for confidence. If you are going to live a fulfilled life, then you must have the confidence to go after the things that make you happy. In other words, you have to demonstrate confidence in yourself; abilities, personality, and intellect.
So, what is confidence? Well, the truth about unshakeable confidence is living true to yourself. It is all about embracing your true self. To do this, you must believe that you have full control of your life, and not letting circumstances hinder you from your life purpose. You have to decide the value of your true self and never allow yourself to be defined by someone else’s opinion. The more you do this, the more it becomes effortless to express confidence.
When you master the art of embracing your true self, you will realize that the doors of opportunity are all around you. You will be spoilt for choices. When limitless opportunities come your way, there is no more room for fear of scarcity. Soon, you’ll realize that you can live a life of abundance. This is exactly what I consider an effective pathway to unshakeable confidence and a fulfilled life.
Three Pillars of Unshakeable Confidence
Pillar 1: Experiential Confidence
When I was a teenager, one thing that scared me the most was chatting up women, especially strangers. Making the initial approach felt impossible and made me feel like I had completely lost strength in my feet. It simply made me shut down!
Now, two decades later, I can’t wrap my head around what it is that I was so afraid of.
The truth is, you and I can overcome fear and easily do the things that we once thought impossible, simply because we now have experience. I was able to push through those frightening moments and conversation. Now, I can strike up a conversation with every person I find, on the train, coffee shop, or at the office.
I have the confidence to do pretty much anything I put my mind to. It is just like learning to drive on the highway for the first time. At first, it was scary, but with time, you adjust, and your body learns that it does not kill you.
Well, this kind of confidence is what is referred to as experiential confidence. It is the type of confidence that you gain through experience. You have developed this type of confidence at some point in your life. The first step is to have the courage to act and take risks. Each time you fail, you build that confidence because you understand that failure is not permanent.
One thing that you have to appreciate is all the things that did not work out in your life because they allowed you to learn. It is through the past failures that we have confidence today. Therefore, if you want to build your experiential confidence, the first thing that you need to ask yourself is what is the worst thing that could happen if you fail? Will you die? If not, then there is no reason to back down. You must understand that everything you act against fear, you grow your experiential confidence, and all the tasks that is difficult now will be easy later on.
Pillar 2: Emotional Confidence
This simply refers to the kind of confidence that you can turn on at will. Well, here’s an example: I started working for an International company at the age of 21 as a project assistant. One time, for some reason, I wanted to work from another city for three weeks. However, I was so nervous to ask my boss for permission to work away from the main office. Did I eventually do it? Definitely.
Well, I first had to prepare myself mentally. I started by brainstorming how I would walk into his office, present my case, and how I would handle his responses. I created a small decision tree with all the possible ifs, how and why questions he would ask and what my responses would be. This was to help me stay on top of my game so that nothing caught me off-guard. In other words, I needed this to maintain my composure.
What I was essentially doing was tapping into my emotional confidence by learning the tips and tricks of controlling my body language so that I do not send out the wrong message. If you control your body, then you will be able to control your emotions. On the contrary, if you fail to control your body, then your emotions will be running all over the place.
What I simply did was rehearse every statement I was going to say, and how I would do it, with a firm handshake, smiling face, and shoulders high. What I realize was, when you resist the urge of crossing your arms and showing your anxiety, the conversation flows naturally, and the other party eases into the discussion. That is how you gain emotional confidence.
It is important to note that, emotional confidence serves a great purpose especially when you are caught in a situation that you already anticipate; for instance, a presentation, a difficult conversation with your superiors or parents, a performance, etc. Unlike experiential confidence, emotional confidence is not limited to just a single domain.